Holiday Spirit
by LadyKayoss
Summary: For some, Christmas is a time for celebration. For others, it's full of pain that can only be healed by lost loved ones.
1. The Ghost of Christmas Past

Disclaimer:  I don't own FF:TSW, or any elements of "The Christmas Carol" or "It's a Wonderful Life" that may pop up within this story.

Author's Note:  The first section of this story was written two years ago.  Why did I stop writing it?  I can't recall why, now.  But I recently found it on an old disk, and decided to put it to good use.  The end result is an odd fusion of comedy and drama.  Unfortunately, it probably won't be complete before Christmas, due to the fact that all the facilities around here with internet access are shutting down after the semester ends.  I'm gonna do my best.

HOLIDAY SPIRIT

Part One

The Ghost of Christmas Past

Once upon a time, Christmas had meant something.  It was a time for family, for love, for peace on earth and good will towards men.  It had been a time of joy and happiness, for decorating trees and roasting chestnuts, for buying gifts and playing in the snow.  It had been a holiday that brought out the best of the human spirit.

But the very spirit of Christmas had been stolen away by the Phantoms. Anyone found using a real tree, so rare in this day and age, faced a heavy fine or jail sentence.  Snow was only found on the highest peaks of mountains or on the poles.  It hadn't snowed, or even rained, in years.  And  so many people had lost loved ones to the Phantoms that few families could ever be all together at Christmas.  The holidays had become a heartbreaking reminder of what earth had lost.

No more.  With the defeat of the Phantoms a few days before Christmas, people were finding something new to celebrate.  The barrier cities dropped their protections, and the human race was embracing their new, safer life with a fierce joy and a boundless optimism that was revitalizing the holiday.  Everyone, in every city, was celebrating.

With one exception.  Dr. Aki Ross strolled through the crowded streets of Chicago, ignoring the enthusiastic shoppers taking advantage of last minute sales.  Their excited babble assaulted her ears, and she sped up to escape from it all.

She should never have come.  But Gray was from Chicago, and his mother still lived here.  Aki had brought his body home so he could be buried by the rest of his family.  Mrs. Edwards had invited her and Dr. Sid to stay for the holidays and, having no other plans, they accepted.

They had arrived yesterday, and Aki had stayed in the house all day trying to comfort the weeping Mrs. Edwards, a difficult task when her own heart was broken.  She didn't want to face that today.  Even though it was Christmas Eve, and Mrs. Edwards and Dr. Sid had a dinner planned, Aki was heading to the _Black Boa_, where Gray's body still rested.  They wouldn't be able to bury him until after Christmas.

Aki heaved a sigh of relief when she finally reached a sector of the city with few enough people that she could flag down a taxi.  She directed it to the military hangar, tipped the driver heavily, and waved off his polite "Merry Christmas."

The hangar was blissfully quiet compared to the chaos in the streets, for which Aki was grateful.  There weren't even very many military personnel around, and Aki was able to get to her ship quickly.

Once inside she paused, uncertain of why she had come.  What had driven her to come to her ship?  What was she going to do?  She had to keep busy or she'd be dwelling on the events of a few days before.  She didn't want to become more depressed than she already was.  Which was why she should stay away from the cooler holding Gray's empty body.

So why did she find herself walking towards it?  Why was she torturing herself by sliding the cooler open and pulling out the tray containing his body?  Why was she unwrapping the blanket from his lifeless form?

At the sight of his still, peaceful features, Aki finally broke down and cried.  She should never have dragged Gray and his men into this!  She ran her fingers down his jaw, feeling the rough skin beneath and remembering nights devoted to such intimate caresses.  If Gray were alive, he'd wipe the tears from her face with his large but gentle hands and speak to her in a low, soothing tone reserved for her alone.

_Impossible… he's never coming back…_  Aki's attention was caught by a scalpel that was secured in a case on the wall.  _But there are other ways of seeing him again._  She pulled the scalpel free.

Aki dragged a chair beside the tray and sat beside his still form.  After staring at the scalpel for a moment, she ran the edge over one wrist, not hard enough to draw blood, but enough to feel the metal's bite.  _It would be so easy…_  She further unwrapped his body and took one cold hand in both of hers as if trying to restore its warmth.  _If I do this, I could be with you again!_

Then, with a choking sob, Aki rested her head on his chest and cried into his shirt.  _If only he'd take me in his arms!_ she thought desperately.  _Oh Gray!  Why did you leave me?_

*    *    *

She was standing on a vast plain, as she had in her dreams so many times before.  But this wasn't the blasted terrain of the Phantom homeworld, nor was it the earth.  The ground beneath her feet, and stretching as far as her eyes could see, gleamed silver under the light of the full moon suspended in an unnaturally black sky.  Tentatively, she took a step forward, and the ground beneath her shifted with a metallic rustling.  

Puzzled by the sound, Aki knelt to examine the ground before her.  What she'd taken for a ridged, silvery soil was in fact a layer of chains of varying thickness.  Some were as fine as a necklace links, others were thicker than her arm.  And, she realized with astonishment as she plunged her hand down into the curious covering, there were many layers of chain beneath the topmost.  Aki couldn't feel the ground beneath.  _What is this?_

She began to withdraw her hand when something wrapped around her wrist, giving her arm a tug.  Aki yelped and tried to yank her hand free, but whatever held her wouldn't let go.  Panic rose within her as the thing holding on to her began to pull, drawing her downward.  She screamed and thrashed, tangling herself in the chains.

Then the chains in front of her began to bulge upward as the thing holding her arm used her to pull itself free.  Something that looked like a metallic hand pulled free, followed by an arm.  The hand released Aki, and she scrambled backward, struggling to get to her feet but unable to on the shifting terrain beneath her.   Aki cried out as something vaguely humanoid emerged, its body made of coils of chain that shifted around, like snakes, sliding over the body.  

A slit opened in what passed for the creature's head, and a low moan issued from those silver lips, followed by a metallic rasp that could have been words, but Aki couldn't understand a word of it.  "What are you?" Aki gasped out as she continued to scuttle backwards.

The thing cocked its head, then barked out something Aki still couldn't discern.  At its words, the chains about its body began to slide away, revealing at first slits of darkness, and then as the chain continued to recede, Aki could make out the gleam of leather.  Her eyes widened as the last of the chain dropped, except for loops around the formerly covered being's neck, wrists, and ankles.

"Much better."  The words were clearer now, and the voice… that voice…  _Why?  Why must I dream of him _of all people?  _General Hein stood revealed before her._

"Dr. Ross.  Fancy meeting you in my own personal hell," he said coolly.  "Do you like it?"

Aki's gaze slid over the chains that spread from horizon to horizon.  It wasn't exactly her idea of hell.  She'd expected something a bit more, well, hellish.  Flames and devils and pitchforks, or something.  Not this.  This made no sense.  "It's nice," she said weakly.

Hein rolled his eyes.  "Of course it is, if you have a chain fetish.  A regular S&M paradise."  Hein strode towards her with a rattle of chains, circling her like a predator examining its prey.  "Do you know why you're here, Doctor?"

Aki frowned, thinking.  The last thing she remembered was pulling Gray's body out of the cooler, and then… the scalpel… was she dead?  Had she killed herself?  No, she couldn't have.  She remembered putting it down.  And then she'd slumped over Gray, feeling the cold of his body seep into hers, and then… then…  "I'm asleep!" she realized.  "This is a dream!"  Her lips curled in a moue of disappointment.  "Damn, why am I dreaming about you of all people?  What a waste."

"Oh, my heart is breaking," Hein said derisively.  "Never fear, Doctor, your pure, innocent mind didn't conjure me up to torment you.  I'm to deliver a message to you."

Aki was finally able to get to her feet, and she met Hein's gaze boldly.  "Oh?  I'm not interested in anything you have to say to me."  She turned and began to walk away, though there was nowhere to go on that barren plain.

"You're planning on killing yourself, aren't you, Doctor?" Hein's voice was soft, all trace of sarcasm gone.

Aki halted, and turned to face him slowly.  "What?"

"Very romantic.  You can't be with Captain Edwards in life, so you want to join him in death.  I've lost someone I loved, I know the feeling.  It feels like the whole world is empty, and that you no longer have a reason to live, because that reason has died."  Hein was close now, his cold blue eyes unblinking as he stared into her face.  

"How do you know what I was planning?" Aki managed to say.

Hein shrugged.  "That doesn't matter, does it? And I know nothing I can say will stop you.  Why would you listen to me?"  He gestured to the chains around him.  "You see these?  Each one of these represents a person who died at my hands.  Millions died in New York.  Millions of chains bind me for all eternity."

"You're right," Aki said.  "Nothing you could say could possibly make me change my mind.  You're a monster, General.  And unless I end up here, with you, then I don't want to hear any argument against it."

"Fine.  I personally don't give a damn if you die.  You're a nuisance, and I think the world would be better off without the likes of you."  His words abruptly choked off as the chain around his neck tightened, and he pulled at it until it loosened.  "All right, you win," Hein snarled, his gaze locked on something only he seemed to see.  "I won't say anything bad about Saint Ross anymore."  He turned back to her, smiling thinly.  "They're so sensitive," he said, without further explanation.  Aki didn't think she wanted to know what he was talking about.  "Anyway, like I said, you're here so I can deliver a message.  If you kill yourself, you will never see Captain Edwards again."  He lifted his hand to stop Aki before she could argue.  "Suicide is as bad as murder.  You kill yourself, and you, too will be bound by chains.  Not like mine, of course, but enough to bind you away from Edwards forever."

"I don't believe you," Aki spat.  She turned her head towards the spot Hein had addressed earlier.  "Let me out of here," she demanded.  "I don't want to be stuck here with him."

"Maybe you don't believe me," Hein said, grabbing her shoulder.  Aki flinched at his touch and gave him a vicious look.  "But there are others you will listen to.  Aki, tonight you're going to be visited by…"  A strange look crossed the general's face.  "Dear God, I can't believe I'm about to say this.  You're going to be visited by three spirits.  Their job is to show you your life, and give you a reason for going on with your life."

Aki gaped.  "You mean I'm getting Scrooged!" she said incredulously.  

Hein raised his arms and jiggled them, so the chains around his wrists clinked with the movement.  "What, the Jacob Marley chains weren't a dead giveaway?"

Aki swept her hands through her hair.  "This is ridiculous!  I didn't do anything wrong!  I don't deserve this!"

"Too bad," Hein said mildly.  He slid back the sleeve of his coat, glancing at the watch beneath.  "Not much you can do about it, because the first spirit should be visiting you… now."  With those words, the world faded away around her.

*    *    *

Odd.  When she'd envisioned being visited by spirits, she'd expected meeting them in her bedroom.  Or aboard the _Black Boa.__  Or her lab, or somewhere, well, normal.  But the girls locker room in the Houston Military Academy?  "And this helps me how?" Aki seethed as scantily clad girls who looked vaguely familiar walked around in towels or dressed themselves.  Watching the well-muscled young women who had always been the envy of the too-skinny Aki just made her want to slit her wrists all the more._

No one paid her any notice, as if they were used to seeing fully-dressed older women appear in their midst every day.  Or as if she weren't there at all…  It seemed whoever was doing this to her knew their Charles Dickens.  Now, where was the damned spirit?

Angrily, she spun on her heel, ready to storm out, when she caught sight of something that didn't belong:  There was a _butt sticking out of the wall tile.  Curious, Aki went to investigate, deftly evading the girls around her, even though they probably wouldn't be able to even touch her if the cliché held true.  _

"Excuse me," Aki said, feeling rather foolish to be addressing a disembodied rear.  _If this is the spirit, I am _so _out of here…  _There was no response – big shocker, there – so Aki reached forward and tapped it.  Her surprise that she could touch it didn't match the startlement of the rear's owner.  There was a squeal, muffled through the tile, and then a complete body pulled itself out of the wall.  

"Oh, hey, Aki!  You're… early."

"Neil Fleming," Aki said slowly.  "You're the first spirit?"

"Yup.  The Ghost of Christmas Past," he said proudly.  "Happy to see me?"

She was, actually.  Her last sight of Neil had been of his empty body, lying where it had fallen after detaching the tow tractor.  She gave him a tentative grin.  "Driving anyone in the afterlife crazy, yet?"

"I am the bane of Jane's nonexistence," he said proudly.  "And now, she can't threaten me with death."  He shifted from foot to foot, a nervous habit death hadn't seemed to cure him of.  He seemed so… normal, Aki thought with some surprise.  She could almost fool herself that he was a living, breathing man and not some spirit in… the girls' locker room.  That reminded her…

"Just why are we in the locker room of the HMA, anyway?  What could you possibly show me here that would make me want to live?"

"Well, uh… I was gonna meet you in the mess hall, but like I said, you're early."

"That's not what I heard," Aki said flatly.  "And that doesn't tell me why you were looking through the wall.  If I remember correctly, behind that wall is the shower."  She placed her hands on hips and waited for his explanation.

"I was just looking… There's no harm in looking, is there?" Neil said, his voice high.

What point was there in scolding him?  He was dead, after all.  Why ruin his fun?  Sure, these girls were all much younger than he was, but there was no harm in it… and who knew what the afterlife had to offer.  She just sighed.  "No, I guess…" she began.

"Besides, I needed to watch and see when you left the shower so I can make sure I get to the hall on time."  He smiled brightly.  "I like the tattoo, by the way, but don't you think the piercings were a bit much?"

Aki didn't think; she lunged forward, wrapping her hands around Neil's neck.  He fell backward through a cement block wall, Aki atop him.  "Pervert!" she howled, straddling him.

"Um, you do know that you can't hurt me, right?" Neil said, his calm voice cutting through Aki's rage.  He stared up at her, still grinning.  _Damn,__ and I wanted his eyes to bulge and his face to turn blue…  "Sorry, Doctor.  If you're done trying to throttle me – and by the way, you're as strong as Jane, good for you – we should be off to the mess hall.  It's Christmas Eve, and I don't want to miss the party."_

Aki got off him, and offered her hand, which Neil accepted.  "Where are we?" she wondered, glancing around.  It was dark around them, and Aki couldn't identify the vague shapes she could barely see.

"Utility closet."  She could hear the humor in Neil's voice.  "Oh, the stories I could tell you about this closet…  But that's for another time."   He grabbed her arm, and pulled her downward.  "C'mon, we're taking the quick way down."

Aki yelped as she was pulled through the floor to one of the several classrooms beneath, then down through another floor, and finally into a hallway Aki recognized very well from her youth.  HMA…  She'd attended the school as a requirement to becoming one of the scientists in the USMF scientific division.  It had been miserable; the cadets had treated the scientific students with contempt, until she'd met…

Until she'd met…   Her eyes widened as she suddenly realized why they were here, of all times and places.  Neil had said it was Christmas Eve…   "I don't want to remember this," she said desperately.

Neil ignored her, and continued to tug her towards the mess hall.  She tried to balk, but Neil was stronger than he looked, and she gave up.  She didn't know why he was doing this; what she was about to see would only deepen her depression.

It would only make her want to die all the more.

To Be Continued…


	2. The Ghost of Christmas Present

Disclaimer:  I don't own FF:TSW, or any elements of "The Christmas Carol" or "It's a Wonderful Life" that may pop up within this story.

Author's Note:  Okay, I know it's not Christmas.  I know it's waaaaaay past Christmas.  But I'm trying to finish off some of my fics, and I only have on chapter to go after this.  Thank you for your patience; this semester at college just isn't very kind to me.  And for all of you wondering what's going on with "Out of the Ashes," I'm working on the final chapter; it's about half done.  I'll try to have it done by next week.  Keep an eye on my bio for updates.  This chapter ain't that great; it's the final chapter that I'm hoping comes off best, and things in here will make more sense, then.

HOLIDAY SPIRIT

Part Two

The Ghost of Christmas Present

The mess hall looked exactly as it had in her memories of that night.  From the twists of red, green, and white streamers that didn't quite soften the military functionality of the hall to the sad-looking plastic tree adorned with gaudy lights – half of which weren't lit – the place had been recreated exactly.  Aki was torn between the urge to cover her eyes until it was all over, and exploring the hall, reliving in her mind the events that had changed her life forever.  

Actually, she didn't have to relive the moment in her mind.  According to Neil, in about five minutes, she'd be able to _see _the whole thing.

Neil's hand on her wrist was all that kept Aki from fleeing.  It wasn't that what was about to happen was a _bad _memory; it had led to wonderful things.  But it was embarrassing for all involved.

They stood in the middle of the mess hall – an appropriate name, really, since it seemed to be the one place in the entire academy where military discipline was lax and the cadets reveled in this freedom by becoming slobs.  It was encouraged by those in charge; the dirtier the mess hall, the more painful the punishment for those on kitchen patrol.  If the hall had been a place of order, then Aki's life may have gone very differently.

"Look, there you are," Neil said, prodding her on the arm until she turned to face her younger self.  _I don't remember looking like such a dork, _Aki thought, chagrined.  No wonder the military cadets had been so amused by her.  She'd been all skin and bones, wrinkled clothes, messed-up hair…  "Aw, you were so cute," Neil crooned.

It was bad enough that he'd seen her in the shower; now he was making fun of her?  That's it; she'd had it.  She slammed her elbow into his ribs, and was satisfied to hear him "oomph!" in surprise.  "That hurt!" he yelped, stunned.  "You shouldn't have been able to do that!"

"Karma," Aki said.  _So much for the perks of being a ghost._"Look, if I have to do this, could you at least take it seriously?" she hissed.

Neil muttered something Aki didn't quite catch, and wasn't sure she wanted to.  Then he flashed her an innocent grin.  "All right then… let's get closer for a better view of this.  I don't want to miss a thing."  He steered her over towards a table filled with military cadets.

Her heart seemed to stop as she caught sight of one of the cadets seated at the end of the table.  Sensing the change in her mood, Neil turned to her, his face serious.  "Remember, he can't see or hear you."  He directed her gaze towards her younger self, who had just finished filling her meal tray and was heading towards a table claimed by the scientific students.

Aki automatically stepped backwards as her younger self passed by, though Neil let her pass through him.  "Three… Two…" Neil chanted in time with the younger Aki's steps.  "One."

There had been a food fight earlier, and the hall still bore the marks of mashed potato artillery fire.  One such congealed lump lay in the younger Aki's path.  The student slipped and lost her balance, falling with a mighty _thump _to the floor.  Her metal tray, along with eating utensils, all went flying towards the unfortunate military cadet seated at the end of his table.

The entire hall went silent as the cadet, knocked sideways by the tray impacting his temple, fell to the floor.

"Nice going, Ross!" someone jeered as the younger Aki scrambled on her hands and knees to the cadet sprawled on his back.  A crowd gathered around them, so Neil pulled the reluctant older Aki through them to the front, right beside the kneeling girl.

The younger Aki was moaning, "I'm so sorry… I'm such a klutz…  I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"

The cadet had a slightly dazed look, and he touched first the swelling lump on his forehead where the tray had hit, then to the bleeding spot on his jaw where the knife had nicked him in its flight.  His eyes widened when he saw the blood on his fingers.  "It's all right, I think… It was an accident."  The younger Aki stared at him with surprise.  She hadn't expected an arrogant military cadet to be _nice _about this.  "But, if you want to make it up to me…"  He winced slightly.  "You can take me to the infirmary, uh…"

"Aki.  My name is Aki Ross," the younger girl said quickly.

The cadet gave her a lopsided grin.  "I'm Gray Edwards."

*    *    *

"Can we get out of here, _now, _before I… she… whatever, loses her grip on him and drops him to the floor?" Aki hissed.

"Hm? Oh, yeah," Neil said.  The world around them began to fade to blackness, to Aki's relief.  "Y'know, the captain always told us he got that scar on his jaw in a battle."  Aki cringed; she'd been so mortified when she'd realized the wound had scarred…

"Shut up," she muttered.  Her heart was aching.  She hadn't thought reliving a memory would hurt so much.  Gray had been so close…  Maybe this had been the past, but he'd been warm and solid… and alive… Everything he wasn't now…

"Why did you show me this?" she asked hollowly.

"I was just doing what I was told," Neil said quietly.  "I'm sorry if it hurt you."

"It made things worse, not better!" she cried.  "Gray was right there, and I couldn't do anything about it!  Please," she sobbed, "don't show me any more memories.  Take me back.  Please take me back!"

"All right," Neil said.  "All your other Christmas memories with Gray are NC-17 anyway, and I can't show those here."

She didn't appreciate his attempt to lighten the mood.  "Dammit!" she snarled at him.  "Will you stop-"

It was then that she realized she was alone in the darkness.  "Neil?" she called uncertainly, trying not to be alarmed.  "Neil?"

The darkness around her changed so gradually she almost wasn't aware of it until the _Black Boa_'s walls solidified around her.  She was back… but wait, no, it wasn't quite right.  She was standing near the doorway, looking in on Gray's body slowly warming from exposure – and her own body slumped over hers.  _Great… did something go wrong?  _Aki walked over to the unmoving forms, noticing that her footsteps made no sound on the metal floor.  Her hand hovered over the other Aki's shoulder, but she hesitated at actual physical contact.  What if the other her woke up and saw her?  And if that happened, then what would it mean?  Quickly, Aki yanked her hand back.

"Eerie, huh?'

Aki yelped and whirled around, nearly hitting the man who'd stood so close behind her the were nearly touching.  Her spin brought her face-to-chest with the speaker and she had to take a step back to see his face.  _Ryan…   Good; I didn't know him long, but he seemed like a nice guy.  I don't think I could deal with Neil again.  _

"You're the third dead man I've seen tonight," Aki said.  "I'm beyond calling anything eerie."

"Already?" Ryan feigned disappointment.  "most people don't even accept this even after it's all over."

"Growing up in a world overrun by alien ghosts tends to make on more accepting of the supernatural," Aki said dryly.  "Besides, I'm still not convinced this isn't just something my mind conjured up to further torture me."

"Well," Ryan said cheerfully, "if it is, thanks for not dreaming me up with a gaping hole in my gut."

At his words, Aki's eyes strayed to where a metal strut had impaled the sergeant last time she'd seen him alive.  Her mouth felt suddenly dry; this was another life she hadn't been able to save.  "Uh…"

Ryan quickly changed the subject.  "Anyway, I am the Ghost of Christmas Present.  I'm here to show you how the world has been affected by you."

Aki wanted to refuse, but, really, she couldn't find any excuse to.  This couldn't be as painful as reliving memories, right?

"Let's go," Ryan said, offering his hand.  She took it, and the world seemed to spin around in a blur of color before reforming around her.  Aki thought she was going to be sick.  She squeezed her eyes shut, willing her last meal to stay down.  Could ghosts – or whatever she was – throw up?

She was reluctant to open her eyes once she was sure she'd be all right.  She just knew that Ryan had brought her to some big party where everyone was happy, enjoying Christmas without fear for the first time, all thanks to _her.  _She really didn't want to see it; she'd seen too much like it already.

But when she realized all she heard was silence, Aki slowly opened her eyes.  She was in… she took a moment to orient herself.  She was in Mrs. Edwards' house.  "Huh?" she asked, baffled.

"I could show you wild parties," Ryan said from behind her.  "I could show you a thousand such parties all across the world, and millions of people, all reveling in what you gave them.  But that would only drive home how lonely you are, wouldn't it?  Nothing makes someone more depressed than seeing others enjoy what they can't have."

This bit of wisdom made Aki look at the soldier with new respect.  Ryan had tended to blend into the background whenever the entire squad was together, revealing little of his personality.  "So what are you going to show me, then?  What's here?"

Ryan began to walk away, and beckoned for her to follow.  He led her to the small kitchen, where Dr. Sid and Mrs. Edwards were talking quietly over cups of tea.  From where she stood, she couldn't hear what they were saying, but that didn't seem to be important.  "Look at them," Ryan said.  "Mrs. Edwards lost her last child.  Dr. Sid's life work is complete.  But neither of them is going to give up on life.  They're going to go on for as long as they can."

Before Aki could reply to that, the world blurred again, and she groaned.  When everything cleared, she was standing in a spacious room, seats filled by a mixture of military and civilians.  _The __Houston__ Council chamber?_"The Council is meeting tonight?"

"They're in a state of emergency right now; the holidays don't matter.  No one knows what to do now that the Phantoms are gone.  Everyone has their own ideas, and are unwilling to listen to anyone else."  He paused as an argument broke out between one of the evacuated New York Council members and a Houston member.  "Someone might be able to unify them," he said finally.  Someone they trust, he didn't say, but Aki knew he was thinking it.  Someone who saved the world.

_Now they're trying to make me feel guilty! _ She gritted her teeth.  Dammit, why wouldn't they respect her wishes?  She didn't want any more responsibility.  Hadn't she done enough?  She just wanted to be with Gray!

Aki tried not to let her anger show.  Ryan searched her face for any reaction, but seemed to find nothing.  He touched her hand, and again the world spun.  She seemed to be getting used to it; this time, she didn't feel quite so nauseous.

This time, she thought at first Ryan _had _decided to take her to a party, despite what he'd told her earlier.  The atmosphere was suggestive of a party, but there was a subdued undertone.  They were in a mess hall, much like the one where she'd been with Neil, only this one was filled with seasoned soldiers.  And, instead of Christmas streamers, there were banners hung around the walls.  Aki examined one, and her brow furrowed with puzzlement.  "Farewell banners?"

"Do you realize that nearly half the world's population belongs to the military?" Ryan asked.  "In a time of war, that's a good thing, but with the Phantoms gone, there's no need for so many soldiers.  Hadn't you heard that the USMF is ending the tours of duty of many of its units?  Before the Phantoms, enlistments were often for a certain time period, coming to an end when that time was up unless the soldier reenlisted.  The Powers That Be decided to restore that, and now many trained soldiers are left without a way of life.  On Christmas Eve, these soldiers found out they were out of a job."

"I… I  hadn't heard," Aki admitted.  _But I don't see what this had to do with me!  What can I do, form my own personal army so these people have something to do?  _"I've been out of touch with the Council since after Sid told them the Phantoms were gone."

"Soldiers that suddenly become civilians have trouble fitting into society.  Many of them will end up in prison."  Ryan touched her arm, and transported them back to the _Black Boa.  _

Aki whirled to face him.  "I don't understand what you're trying to tell me!" she screamed.  "Just leave me – "  She stopped, scowling.  "Damn you, why do you people keep disappearing on me when I'm yelling at you?"

To Be Continued…


	3. The Ghost of Christmas Future

Disclaimer:  I don't own FF:TSW, or any elements of "The Christmas Carol" or "It's a Wonderful Life" that may pop up within this story.

Author's Note:  Okay, so Christmas is long over – or on its way, depending on your point of view, but I finished this anyway, despite the bad timing. I'm just glad I'm going to have another fic done!  cheers  "Metamorphosis" is next on the list of fics I must finish.  And then, I'm turning my attention to the sadly neglected and oft-requested "Life's River Shall Rise."

HOLIDAY SPIRIT

Part Three

The Ghost of Christmas Future

There was going to be one last ghost.  Hadn't that been how the story went?  The Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future?  So _where _was the bloody final Ghost?  Aki had been waiting beside her body for nearly an hour, and nothing had happened.  She'd even attempted, after about a quarter of an hour of convincing herself, to try to merge with her own body.  All she'd done was pass through her body, Gray's… and the floor beneath her.  She hadn't known there was a hidden compartment beneath her feet…  Was Dr. Sid secretly a smuggler, or something?

Intrigued, she pushed her face deeper into the floor, trying to make out the contents of the dark compartment.  She could dimly see shapes, but she couldn't make out what they were…

A soft sound made Aki yank her head out of the floor, and her gaze darted around the room, trying to find the source.  _Finally, _she started to say.  _Where the hell have you…  _The words died in her throat as an otherworldly wind blew through the ship, leaving her corporeal body untouched but whipping at the hair and clothing of her spiritual form, leaving her chilled to the bone.  There were whispers on that wind; voices she could almost recognize, speaking words she could nearly discern.  And then… _it _stepped out of one of the locked freezers.

It was dressed in a tattered black cloak that billowed about its obscured form, and beneath that Aki could see a luminescent blue form.  A hand reached towards her, pulsing blue, with the pale lines of bone visible beneath the glow.  _"Dr. Ross," _it rasped in a hollow voice that sent shivers up Aki's spine.  _"I am the Ghost of Christmas Future.  You must come with me."_

Still on her hands and knees, Aki scuttled backward, away from this new ghost.  "No way," Aki said, staring up at this new manifestation.  After the familiarity of the other Ghosts, seeing this hellish monster came as a shock.  _They must have realized what the others were doing wasn't working, so they pulled out the big guns…_

_"You must come with me," _the Ghost insisted, taking a step towards her.  _"You have no choice."_

And Aki had to admit to herself that it was working.  If this was a product of the afterlife she faced by committing suicide, the act was starting to lose its appeal.  _"Take my hand," _the Ghost said, offering its glowing appendage. 

Aki's eyes were on the bones within the hand, watching the carpals slide against each other as the Ghost twitched its fingers impatiently.  "Do I have to touch you?" Aki squeaked.

_"Take my hand, dammit!" _the Ghost yelled, finally losing patience.  And with that loss of its cool, its voice shifted, as well, becoming very familiar.

"Corporal Proudfoot?" Aki blinked, surprised.

With a growl, the Ghost threw off its cloak, and as the tattered cloth left her body, the blue spirit filled in, becoming more human, and the wind ceased.  Corporal Jane Proudfoot stood revealed, a sullen look on her face. 

"You didn't have to do that," Aki said, confused.

Jane sighed.  "Yes, but once you figured out it was me, there was no way I could scare you straight, was there?" she pointed out.  "Keeping that façade up is just a waste of resources, and once it was worthless, I had to shuck it off."

Aki couldn't help but wonder just who – or what – was making these decisions.  The 'waste of resources' comment made the mysterious 'them' sound far too much like the Council for her liking.  "Sorry to ruin your fun," Aki said.

"And to think I arm-wrestled Neil for this spot," Jane muttered.  "Well, let's get this over.  Like I was saying, I am the Ghost of Christmas Future.  You must come with me – "

"How can you show me my future if I commit suicide?" Aki asked.  "Watching my corpse rotting in the ground isn't going to be an exciting way for us to spend the night."

Jane raised her brows.  "You'd be amazed how bloody slitting your wrist can be," she said.  "It might scare you out of it.  Though, I doubt it.  No, we are going to see the future, and it isn't just going to be watching you rot."  She grinned savagely.  "Though we can check that out, if you'd like.  I've got all night."

Aki groaned.  "Ryan already showed me things that don't concern me.  It's not going to do any good.  You'd do better to show me what the world would be like if I was never born.  It might have more impact."

Jane rolled her eyes.  "This isn't 'It's a Wonderful Life,' and I'm not some pathetic angel out to get my wings.  But, if that's what you want," Jane said, snapping her fingers.

"Really, it's not necessary," Aki began, but trailed off when she saw the world around her.  She was still in Chicago; she recognized the skyline.  But it was a dead city, like so many others on the planet.  In the dead air, the hootings of Phantoms carried clearly.

"Tada, everyone's dead," Jane said.  "Without you, Dr. Sid had to do everything on his own, because he couldn't find anyone else who shared his beliefs.  The stress killed him, and there was no one to make the spirit wave.  And no one who understood his work well enough to improve the barriers."

"Ah…" Aki was speechless.  She'd known things would work out _differently _without her, but not this badly.  Finally, she managed to say, "Show me this doesn't change anything; my death isn't going to suddenly plunge the world into some alternate universe where I didn't exist."

Jane's expression was solemn.  "Um, right?" Aki asked uncertainly.  If this was what would happen, it would explain just why the universe was so eager to keep her alive.  "Um, Jane?"

The woman was ignoring her, scanning the dead city.  "Jane?"  A Phantom had stepped through the wall of the building nearest them and was coming towards them, its tentacles extending and thrashing in the air around them.  "Can we get out of here now?"  The Phantom's tentacles were close enough to reach now, and Aki tensed to run. But she didn't know where she could go…  "Jane? Jane?  Jane!"  The last was almost a scream as the Phantom lunged forward, and Aki could see the tentacles crashing down on her…

…and then the Phantom was gone, along with the empty city.  Jane grinned at the expression on Aki's face.  "I _love _this job."

Aki shot her a dirty look.  "Hey, I'm the Ghost of Christmas Future; I'm supposed to scare you straight, remember?"  Jane didn't sound apologetic.  Then she sighed.  "All right; no more dirty tricks.  I'll just show you the future, and, hopefully, you'll make the right decision.  I won't even leave you stranded in a morgue like I'd planned."

"Thanks," Aki said scathingly.  "Now that that's settled, can we just get this over with?"

In reply, Jane turned her head towards where Aki's body was still slumped in her chair. Aki followed in gaze just in time to see the body twitch, then come to life.  Aki yelped in surprise as the body picked up the scalpel and quickly ran the blade over each wrist.  As blood welled from the ugly wounds, Aki watched as her other self threw one arm over Gray's body, then buried her face in his chest.  Blood flowed steadily but rapidly from the wounds, soaking Gray's clothing in moments.  But the Aki slumped over Gray was oblivious to what she was doing; she was already dead.

And then Jane snapped her fingers, and for the second time that night, Aki was in Mrs. Edwards' apartment.  But this time, it was nearly dawn.  And still, Dr. Sid was awake.  They found him slumped into a battered arm chair, his eyes on the floor.  "Oh, Aki, what have you done?" she heard him murmur.

Aki's heart ached to see her mentor like this.  But she couldn't let this sway her, no matter how much it hurt.  "I should never have let you leave." 

There was a knock on the apartment door, and Sid wearily got to his feet.  She saw him trembling as he opened the door, saw his shoulders slump as he saw the USMF soldiers who stood there.  Aki heard them say something about 'body' and 'suicide…' and then Dr. Sid collapsed to the floor.

Aki couldn't help herself; she ran towards her friend, kneeling down beside him and trying her best to hold him, but her fingers slid through him…  "It's no use," Jane said from behind.  "They'll get him to the hospital, but he's going to be dead on arrival.  He couldn't take the shock of losing you."

"Can't we help him?" Aki demanded.  "Now that I know this is going to happen, I can do something-"

"The only thing that can save him is if you save yourself, first," Jane said flatly.  "Trust me, it's not that easy.  Just don't kill yourself, and Dr. Sid will be fine."

Aki almost lost her resolve right there.  _Sid…  _A tear escaped before she could stop it, though Jane politely pretended not to notice.  _But… we'll be together again…  _Somehow, that didn't console her. 

"Let's move on," Jane said quietly.  The room was crowded with the ambulance team who were strapping Dr. Sid to a gurney, and Mrs. Edwards, who had been woken by all the noise and was watching it all with lost expression.  Aki shivered, wondering if she'd just seen death's next victim…

And then she was no longer in the apartment, but standing in the middle of a field.  Withered brown crops arranged in neat rows stretched to the edges of a clear dome.  Aki blinked away her tears, and slowly began to take in her new location.  It was definitely a farm, but it wasn't faring well.  Plants had a sickly look when grown under a barrier, but this… these plants weren't just sick.  They were dying.  "Pay attention, Doctor," Jane said.  "They're coming."

Aki started as two familiar voices became audible.  She turned to see Councilwoman Hee, looking more haggard than Aki had ever seen, and Betty Moore, one of Dr. Sid's former lab assistants.  "…not doing very well," Betty was saying.  They drew nearer to Aki and Jane, pausing to examine one particularly poor specimen.  "I've tried oxygen generators, nutrients, regulating the sunlight, enriching the soil… Nothing I've done seems to be helping the plants. 

Councilwoman Hee's face was grim.  "The population has doubled," she said.  "Our resources are being stretched to their limits.  We _need _more food; why are all the farms failing?"

Betty looked helpless.  "I don't know…  Dr. Sid or Dr. Ross would have been able to figure it out," she said miserably.  "I think… I think it might have something to do with… with the spirits," she concluded.  "I just don't know enough about them to find out _what_, though.  I've got the entire staff of the Houston Bioetheric Center working on it, but Dr. Sid was the real genius behind understanding the spirits."  

"Is there anything the Council can do?" Hee asked.

"We need more help.  We're understaffed.  I'm not asking for more scientists; if we could just get some field workers… or guards…"

"I'm sorry…" Hee said, passing through Aki as she spoke.  She continued, but Aki could no longer hear her.

Aki watched them, pursing her lips.  Betty was right; no one understood the spirits and their connection with Gaia the way Sid did.  "Is there any food?" Aki asked.

"For now," Jane said.  "But demand is growing faster than supply.  This world is going to be overpopulated in a matter of years, if nothing is done about it.  Worse, desperate families come to these farms and _steal _what crops do manage to grow.  There's not enough funding to hire anyone to guard the farms."

"What about the military?" Aki demanded.  "They could be assigned-"

Jane shrugged.  "Here, let me show you the military."  Another snap of the fingers, and they found themselves on a street lined with a motley collection of houses in various states of disrepair.  "C'mon, you need to see this."  Jane led Aki through the side of one home and into a dark living room.  Empty bottles littered the floor, along with dirty clothing and garbage.  There was a man sleeping on a battered couch, a half-empty bottle clutched in his hands.

"This is one of the worst," Jane said quietly.  "This is Captain Lewis, a Deep Eyes soldier who served his planet well.  And now look at him; the military has been cut down to a third of its former numbers, and now he has nothing he can do.  Fighting has been his life; it's all he knows.  And now… there aren't enough jobs to go around, and he barely makes enough to keep himself alive and… drunk."  Jane's voice cracked; she seemed to empathize with this soldier.  After all, Aki realized, if she hadn't died, Jane could be sharing this man's fate.  "There are many others.  Men and women struggling to support families, and these… these _wrecks _they call houses are all that they can afford."

"But… why cut back the military?" Aki's voice was sharp.  "These soldiers could be helping with the farming!"

"No one thought of that when they let the soldiers go," was all Jane said.  Aki could guess what Jane had left unspoken:  _"You could persuade the Council to keep them."  _

Aki didn't reply.  She couldn't.  What could she say?  She could understand Jane's pain in seeing her fellow soldiers reduced to this… but how could she tell the corporal that she just couldn't bring herself to care?

Jane waited for a few moments, as if expecting Aki to say, then and there, that she wouldn't commit suicide.  As Aki remained silent, Jane just sighed and snapped her fingers again.

Their new location was a vast, empty plain under an open sky.  It could have been anywhere in the wastelands that much of the earth had become; she had no clue as to her location, or why Jane had brought her there.

"What the – Where the hell are we now?" Jane sounded genuinely baffled.  _Oh, good… I'm so glad to know I've spent all night in the hands of people who know what's going on…  _She turned towards Jane, then realized the woman was no longer beside her.

Jane was standing just behind her, a distant look on her face.  Her head was slightly cocked, as she had caught a sound that Aki couldn't hear.  After a moment, she blinked, and a strange look crossed her features.  "It seems there's a change in plans," she said in a slightly strangled tone.

"What?" Aki asked blankly.

"I'm leaving you now," Jane said.  "Goodbye."  She began to sink into the ground.  Aki lunged forward, trying to catch the woman's hand, but she passed right through her…

"Wait!" Aki screamed.  "You can't do this!  You've got to take me back!  Take me back!"

The empty plain couldn't be part of the future, could it?  It was so silent, so… empty.  The sky was a roiling grey, and the cracked earth was equally colorless.  "Dammit, you said you wouldn't abandon me!" 

_Not true, _a traitorous thought reminded her.  _She only said she wouldn't leave me in a morgue.  _So, how the hell was she supposed to get back?  Was this some sort of trick?  Was she supposed to stay here until someone in the real world found her, someone who could stop her from what she needed to do?  "This isn't fair!  I should get a choice in this!" she screamed.

"It's not her fault."

The voice came from behind her, and Aki whirled, her heart pounding.  The speaker hadn't been Hein, or Neil, or Ryan or Jane…  "Gray?" 

He was standing before her, looking solid and real… her heart ached as she took in his muscular form, his strong face, his tender smile…  She reached for him, and he took her trembling hand in his own.  He was so warm…

She suddenly yanked her hand away as logic reasserted itself.  _This isn't Gray; this is just another illusion from my subconscious.  _It was the cruelest of all that she'd been shown that night; crueler than seeing their first meeting, crueler than seeing Sid's death.  "You're not real," she said, even though her heart was telling her otherwise.  God, how she wanted to be wrapped in his strong arms and feel safe, and warm… 

Gray stepped towards her, catching her in an embrace.  She wanted to push him away, but she couldn't.  Delusion or not, this could be the last time he ever held her…  "Don't do it," Gray whispered.

"I want to be with you…  I don't want to be alone anymore," she wept.  "I've been alone for so long.  I… I can't take it anymore…"

"Aki," Gray breathed.  "I want us to be together, too.  But not like this.  I don't want you to die because of me."  He pushed her away and caught her gaze.  "Aki, I couldn't bear it if you killed yourself because of me.  You have so much to live for; don't give it all up."

"You don't understand," Aki began, but Gray placed a finger on her lips, and she fell silent.

"Give life a chance, just for awhile.  If you still feel this way, then… then I won't stand in your way."  He smiled, though his eyes were sad.  "Just a few minutes of time… I promise you, the wait will be worth it.  Gaia awards those who help.  Don't… please…"

Her brow furrowed in puzzlement.  Now she _knew _she was dreaming; Gray had never spoken of Gaia with such conviction.  "I don't know what you mean," she said slowly.  "What aw-" she broke off when she realized Gray's body had become translucent.  Around her, the plain was growing darker, the grey draining away to blackness.  "Wait!" she cried.  "Gray!  Don't leave me!"

"Don't leave me…"  She woke with the words still on her lips.  Truly woke, this time; she was real and solid, and still curled over Gray's unmoving body.  A sob escaped her then, as she straightened in her seat.  That last, all-to-brief contact with him hadn't helped.  It had merely driven home just how _alone _she was in the world.

Why, _why _had she been treated to this painful reminder?  The Deep Eyes, Gray… the glimpses of a world that wasn't quite sure what to do with itself now that the Phantom threat was finally over…  While she still wasn't convinced that the whole thing hadn't been something her anguished mind had fashioned, it had been enough to show her that she didn't have much to look forward to.

Trembling fingers found the scalpel where she'd set it.   She rested the blade on her wrist, closing her eyes as she gathered the courage to do what she had to do.  _I'm sorry, Sid, everyone…  I just can't live like this anymore.  _She pressed the blade into her skin, felt as it broke the flesh, as blood began to well in the shallow cut…  And then a soft voice whispered, "Don't… please…"  Startled, Aki dropped the scalpel.

Her eyes shot open.  She expected to find Sid standing over her, or perhaps even one of the attendants that worked at the hangar.  Her brow furrowed when she saw no one was there.  _Don't… please…  It's what Gray said to me during my… dream, or whatever it was.  Delusion.  _She scowled as she scanned the floor for the scalpel.  _I'm just remembering that._

Her scowl deepened when she didn't see the scalpel anywhere.  It must have slid under one of the cabinets, Aki realized.  She sighed; if she'd believed in fate, Aki would have thought it was against her.  She examined the cut she'd made in her wrist; it stung, and it bled profusely, but it was too shallow to be really harmful.  She'd have to go look for something else to finish the job.  _It's only a small delay, Gray.  I'll be with you soon.  _She stood up, pausing to squeeze Gray's hand with her bloody fingers…  __

And was stunned when his fingers tightened around her own, squeezing back.  "Don't…" the voice whispered again.  Not her imagination…

"Gray?" Aki breathed.  _No don't get your hopes up you're just imagining things this isn't real…_

And then his eyes opened.  They met hers, and a weak smile curved Gray's pale lips.  "I told you…" he said weakly, "I told you Gaia had a gift for you… if you would just give life another chance."

_Not real not real…_She tried to step away, but Gray's grip was tightening around her wrist.  _This is a dream!  _Then Gray's fingers pressed against her self-inflicted wound, sending pain shooting through her arm.  _If this is a dream, then why does that hurt?  _"Are… are you real?" Aki whispered.

Gray struggled to push himself to a sitting position, but he was still too weak.  He compromised by resting on his side, smiling up at Aki.  "Real enough," he said.

Suddenly, she didn't care.  Real or not, he was there, he was solid…  She flung herself at him, wrapping her arms around him, pulling him into a sitting position, burying her face in his chest.  "Gray!" she sobbed.  His body was cool beneath her, but warming.  And his heart beat steadily against her cheek, a familiar rhythm she thought she'd never feel again.  "You aren't a dream!" she said in wonder.

Gray wrapped his arms around her.  "Nope."

"And… you're here to stay?"

"Yes," he breathed.  "Oh," he added after a moment, "and you'd probably better let the others out of the freezer, too.  I imagine they're getting cold by now."

It took a moment for his words to sink through Aki's daze.  "The…others?"

She hadn't expected to come back.  She'd never envisioned this moment, knocking on the door on Christmas morning and bringing with her the greatest gift she could have ever received.  Dr. Sid answered the door after a moment, and she smiled.  She was glad to see her old friend alive; she'd never admit to Jane just how badly seeing him die had hurt her.

Dr. Sid stared at her oddly, as if he thought he were seeing things.  It was the smile that threw him off, she knew; he hadn't seen her smile like this in ages.  _And… and I think he didn't expect to see me alive again.  He looks haggard; I don't think he got any sleep at all.  I really did almost kill him.  _Suddenly, she couldn't take it any more.  "Sid!" She threw her arms around him and gave him a hug.  She had to show him she was real and alive, and that she wasn't going anywhere for awhile.

He caught her injured hand, flipping it so he could see the bloody part.  She followed his gaze.  "I couldn't do it, Sid.  I have more to live for than I thought."

"Oh, Aki…  I'm so glad you're all right!"   He pulled her into another embrace.  "I was so afraid I'd lost you."

"You almost did," she whispered.

After a few moments, she pulled away, flashing that happy grin again.  "I have a surprise," she told him.  "I would have gotten here sooner, but I had to wait a bit for them to… thaw."  She waved her hand, and Gray came from where he'd been standing just out of sight.  He was followed by Ryan, Jane, and Neil, all looking a bit worse for wear, but undeniably _alive._

"Aki…"  Dr. Sid tried to get out…  "How?" he finally managed.

"They're a gift from Gaia, for saving the planet," Aki said, her eyes filled with tears of joy.  "They're real, they're alive… I'm not going to question it, and you shouldn't, either."  Then Gray folded his arms around her, and she paid Sid no more mind.

"Aw, don't we get hugs, too?" Neil asked from somewhere behind her.  "How about it, Jane?  I definitely need a hug right now."  There was a muffled noise from behind.  "Oh, um, thanks, Ryan, but you're not exactly what I had in mind…"

Gray laughed softly, but he didn't release her.  Aki was glad; she didn't want this embrace to end.  She still didn't quite believe that he was here beside her, and that he was here to stay.  What if he faded away if she let him go?  She clung to him more tightly.

He seemed to sense her thoughts.  "I'm not going anywhere," he told her, too softly for the others to hear.  "I'm staying with you.  We have a lot of work to do, and we're going to do it together."  He lightly kissed the top of her head.  "I hope you're ready for it."

She had love, friends, a life's work…  "You bet I'm ready," she said.  This Christmas had given her a reason to live, and she was anxious to get started.

The End


End file.
